As I get older, the more I come to realize, I am still evolving. We all are. But the most frustrating thing about evolving is that you find you are still trying to get to know yourself. As soon as I believe that I have this thing called life all figured out, I don’t. It’s like a force field that hits you and you’re left confused but awakened. As soon as I think I know who ‘Shell’ is, and understanding her mind, heart, and soul, I tend to surprise myself. And it’s a process of learning from myself and truly understanding why I am who I am, why I love the way I love, and what it is I choose to believe in. I do know one thing, my faith will always be the one thing I will always hold on to. I know that my identity is held firm in Christ and that is the one thing that will always remain. As I continue to evolve, there are a few things that I so desperately want to reflect and live out:
I want to be joy.
I want to bring people color. I have always loved laughter. Laughter is probably my favorite thing about life. I love hearing it and I love it, even more, when I can be the reason that caused this burst of joy to project through someone else.
I want to be warmth.
I want to bring people comfort. I tend to carry other people’s burdens. Sometimes this can be a bad thing – as it sets me into a state of sorrow where my spirit becomes heavy. But at the same time, I love that I can be someone’s rock and they have confidence that I will give it to the Lord right there and then.
I want to be passionate.
I tend to give my entire heart to the people who are the closest to me. I become passionate about each friendship that I have and hold dear to it. I want the ones in my life to know and feel like they are appreciated and loved by me.
I want to be zestful.
I want to have a zest for life. I look at my daughter who is always excited about life and enjoys every part without even a mere thought. This is something I wish to encourage others to do by example.
I want to be tender.
I want to be sensitive to others and their feelings. I want to be fearfully kind towards everyone. I never want to waste this life by being bitter, unforgiving, or cruel. I want to bring life to the people who surround me.
Purpose is making a difference in the lives of others. Therefore, you cannot live out your life’s purpose if you are not serving others. Though life may have pain, heartache, loss, and brokenness, I hope to evolve into someone who lives to do just that.