I struggle with what to say through text messages or phone calls as you pour your heart out to me. You explain the frustration, the hurt, the pain in detail, looking for comfort and encouragement from me. As you speak, I am praying for life-giving words. Words that will somehow make you feel a little hopeful, a little brighter. Words have never been my strong suit. You are then quiet. I exhale and think of a better phrase to say than, “I am deeply sorry.” And, I am sorry. Incredibly sorry that you are going through this. I’m sorry that I am not physically there for you. I’m sorry that I can’t take the pain away. I’m sorry that I don’t fully understand or begin to imagine what you are going through. But those words ‘I’m sorry’ sound so vague now and I struggle to express how much my heart is breaking for you.
I can throw a million cliche statements at you. How I know you will get through this. How everything will turn out just fine. But none of them could ever take away your heartache. I can tell you what I believe. And that is, that God loves you. Oh, sweet friend, how He loves you. He will never leave you. (Is. 41:10) He will never abandon you. You are a living, breathing promise of His love and faithfulness. It is okay not to be okay. It is okay to me mad, angry, frustrated. Jesus wasn’t okay when He begged his Father three times not to beaten, crucified, and killed. Jesus told his disciples, ‘My soul is very sorrowful, even to death.”
Though you may feel like it at times, know that you are not alone. You are loved. I love you. I may not have the right words to say to you, but I will listen. I will grieve for you. I will pray for you. Know that I think of you every day. And before I go to sleep each night, before I dose off, I pray and give it to God right there and then. If you put your trust in the Lord, you will find new strength. That is his promise to you. (Is. 4:31)
I am so thankful for you and your friendship. One day when you look back at this season of life, I hope you felt loved. I hope you felted wanted. Because, my friend, I love you and I still choose YOU as one of my dearest friends.